Should your next date be a games night?

You have got a second date to plan and the thought of another table for two, another round of where did you grow up, is making you tired before you have even started. Then you think: they mentioned they play. You play. What about a games night?

It could be a better idea than it sounds. It could also go wrong. The game and the venue deserve more thought than they might seem to.

Start with the obvious worry, which is that this is a weird thing to suggest. It is not, particularly. Ofcom's Online Nation 2022 report found that 39% of UK adults aged 16 and over play games online.

What a game shows you that dinner does not #

At dinner, the date is the conversation. You tell stories, ask questions back and work from what was already on the profile.

A game gives you a shared problem instead. That can give you things to notice. Do they explain or take over? How do they react when they lose? Do they notice when you are stuck and offer help? None of the answers is a dealbreaker on its own. They are simply part of how the two of you spend the evening together.

A shared task may also take some pressure off the conversation. If a silence falls while you are working out a puzzle, you have something to concentrate on. If you find the unbroken eye contact of a dinner date hard work, that may be part of the appeal.

The case against, honestly #

A game can absorb an evening so completely that you leave knowing little about each other. If you spend three hours in a shooter with your headsets on, you may have a nice time without leaving much room for a date. The activity needs to leave space for talking.

Skill gaps are the other obvious risk. If one of you has four hundred hours in the game and the other has none, playing together can turn into a demonstration. That can be charming for twenty minutes. After an hour it may start to feel like being taught, and being taught is not a romantic position to be in.

Competition is another variable. Before choosing anything truly cutthroat, consider whether both of you actually want that kind of evening. Starting somewhere gentler gives the date more room to find its own tone.

Which games actually work #

For a console date, look for games in which you are trying to achieve the same thing and have reasons to talk to each other.

• Building and creative games, Minecraft being the obvious one. Pick a small thing to make together, agree on what you are building and negotiate details such as where the door goes. It suits a long, low-key evening where the conversation can continue underneath the activity.
• Co-operative puzzle games, particularly the sort where each person holds part of the information and has to describe it to the other. Choose one with short sections so you can stop before mild pressure turns into actual frustration.
• Party games with a controller passed around. Look for short rounds, simple controls and enough silliness that neither person needs a long explanation before joining in.
• Rhythm and music games. If one of you barely plays, choose something with simple controls and avoid difficulty settings that make experience the whole point.
• Slow, atmospheric games played one at a time, with the other person watching and helping to decide what to do. This leaves more room to talk about what you are seeing than a game that demands constant concentration.

For an early gaming date, think carefully before choosing anything ranked, anything with a serious skill gap or anything that drops you into a lobby with strangers. Those options can wait until you know what each of you enjoys.

Why not the sofa at home #

Someone's living room may seem like the natural place to play, but it is worth avoiding for an early date. Going to a stranger's flat, or inviting one to yours, is a big step to take casually. A public setting gives each person a clearer way to end the evening and leave.

Consider a board game cafe, an arcade bar, a VR centre or a gaming bar instead. You still have an activity, but with other people around and a natural point at which to settle the bill and go. Tell someone where you are going, as you would with any first or second meeting. Then forget about it and enjoy the evening.

There is a related point about playing online together before you meet. Being online is not automatically risk-free. Ofcom published guidance in November 2025 saying that women and girls face "distinct and serious risks online, including misogynistic abuse, sexual violence, coordinated pile-ons, stalking, coercive control". If you are the one suggesting the game, consider a private lobby limited to the people you invite rather than adding strangers to the session.

Does gaming together actually help a couple? #

Research on couples and gaming has mostly looked at the damage. A 2025 study in Contemporary Family Therapy points out that the field has concentrated on negative effects, largely in heterosexual couples where the man is the gamer, leaving the positive side of a shared hobby thinly studied. Its authors took a different approach and, as they put it, "We recruited partners in which all individuals in the partnerships identified as gamers."

That design matters. The qualitative study explores the experiences of partnerships in which everyone identifies as a gamer, but it does not establish that playing games makes a relationship last. The safer conclusion is simply that the positive side of gaming as a shared hobby remains under-explored.

It is also worth being slow to believe any single dramatic claim about what games do to us. Prof Pete Etchells of Bath Spa University, writing for the Science Media Centre, notes that survey work on gaming and wellbeing "invariably struggle to give us more than correlational associations". Treat the headlines in both directions with some suspicion.

If they play a lot more than you do #

Somewhere on a gaming date you may find yourself wondering whether this person plays too much. It is a fair thing to notice, and also a hard thing to judge from one evening. The World Health Organization says: "Studies suggest that gaming disorder affects only a small proportion of people who engage in digital- or video-gaming activities." A diagnosis requires a pattern causing significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational or occupational functioning, normally evident for at least 12 months.

So a big collection and strong opinions about frame rates are not, on their own, evidence of a disorder. What is worth paying attention to over time is whether the hobby has room in it for you, and whether they can leave it when something matters more. That is a question about the person, not about the games.

So, should you? #

If you both actually like games, yes, and probably sooner than you think. Pick something co-operative, pick somewhere public, and give it two hours rather than five. The point is not to engineer a test of compatibility. It is to give yourselves something to enjoy and something to talk about while you see how the evening feels.